Teens in Chronic Pain

Two weekends ago, the pastor at the church I attend while I’m spending the summer in Chicago talked about Romans 12 being a great guideline for us and how we as Christians should act whether it’s at the office, house, or elsewhere. For me, verse 12 stood out in particular.

Romans 12:12 - “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

If that doesn’t sound like the perfect daily to do list for a Christian with chronic pain, I’m not sure what is. I certainly believe that there are other verses in the Bible that offer more encouragement to chronic pain sufferers. However, this verse is one I need to be reminded of on a daily basis.

To Do List:
1) Rejoice in hope. Look for the silver lining and take delight in the blessings of life. Even if the outlook doesn’t appear to warrant it, we need to continue to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

Proverbs 18:14 - “The human spirit can endure a sick body, by who can bear a crushed spirit?

2) Be patient in tribulation. When things are going poorly and you are hurting, you wish that it would pass right away, but life doesn’t usually happen like that and we need to learn to be patient without always trying to rush through life and its sour moments.

3) Be constant in prayer. Some of us only tend to turn to God when the going gets tough while others of us turn to Him only in the good times. No matter what (good or bad pain day), we should be praying fervently.

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Three days after writing what you just read, I had to actually stop, remind myself of the verse, and then apply it to my life. Today. I finally was able to read the final denial letter from the external insurance review board (you can read it here). I started crying about halfway through it and couldn’t stop for like an hour. But after talking to my wise mother, I calmed down and remembered how applicable this verse was. When you get bad news, particularly when it seems like one in a string of bad news, it’s a struggle to live out this verse but we still need to do it.

1) Rejoice in hope. Yes another girl got approval for the same surgery, but that gives me some leverage with the review board so there is still a chance at them overturning the decision.

2) Patient in tribulation. This is the hardest of the three for me. I just want them to correct their error right now, but unfortunately these things take time and just need to be patient and wait on God’s perfect timing.

3) Constant in prayer. Whether I’m venting, thankful, or simply confused, I need to voice my thoughts to Him. Constantly. Not just when the timing works for me or when I need something. Pray always!

In this blog, I have openly discussed my struggles with chronic pain, its impact on my faith, and my fight to get approval for a necessary surgery by my insurance company. After being denied by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan three times, I took my case to the external insurance review board. I submitted letters from my orthopedic surgeon and physical therapist as well as studies showing the effectiveness of the surgery I need and other relevant documents. BCBS also gave the board their documents. The board then looks at all of the information and makes a decision (usually siding with the insurance company). After waiting 10 weeks past when I should have heard, I learned this evening that the board denied my request to reverse the insurance company’s decision.

What does that mean? I have no other avenues to turn to in terms of getting insurance to cover my surgery. As a result, I must raise $30,000 in the next 11 months if I want to have surgery next summer. Fortunately that’s a solid chunk of time, but it’s also a ton of money that needs to be raised. And I have a feeling people would be more receptive to financially assisting me if I was fighting a more serious problem like cancer, but it’s just a knee surgery and chronic pain is a more invisible health problem. Because of that, only my friends, family, and coworkers would truly understand the role pain plays in my life whereas the average bystander would look at me and likely see nothing wrong because I don’t openly showcase my pain (unless it’s a really bad day and I have to limp).

Yes, I cried tonight after learning the bad news. However, I’m determined to keep a positive attitude about it. If this surgery and the timing of next summer is truly God’s will and not just my desire, I will be able to get the $30,000. As such, I am completely putting my trust in God because I obviously don’t have $30,000 just sitting around. Hopefully, it will be very exciting to see what God has in store for me over the next 11 months and how I’m able to raise $30,000 (if that, in fact, happens).

Here are some verses I will be focusing on as I continue to pray and believe:

Ephesians 6:18 - Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Matthew 21:22 - You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.

Romans 4:20-21 - Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. 21 He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.

What do these verses tell me? Through prayer, I am joining my heart with His. I need to pray simply and wholeheartedly. I must pray because I believe it and expect God to fulfill his promises.

I am a well-organized individual who is goal-oriented and has experiences with fundraising. In addition, I’ve interned in public relations so I will hopefully be able to market and promote my fundraising efforts well. This goal of $30,000 will allow me to flex my creative muscles for the most important fundraising efforts of my life and I already have ideas streaming through my head. I will continue to post here with thoughts on chronic pain, but I will also document my effort to raise this large sum of money.

One problem commonly faced by those in chronic pain is a feeling of inferior or having a poor self-image of yourself. It’s easy to think less of yourself when you are in a lot of pain. Whether it’s the fact you are in a wheelchair, using crutches, have numerous scars, don’t have the ideal body because you can’t work out in ways the average person can, or simply have a bad hair day because the pain kept you up all night, it can be hard to feel attractive and confident in yourself.

David, the man after God’s own heart, had a best friend named Jonathan, who was the son of Saul (the first king of Israel). After David had become king, Jonathan passed away. Jonathan left behind just one son (the others had also passed away) named Mephibosheth. He was lame in both feet and had such low self-esteem that he called himself a stray dog. [2 Samuel 9:1-13]

Because Mephibosheth was Jonathan’s son, David took care of him by giving him all the property that once belonged to Saul, and invited him to eat at the king’s table as if he were one of David’s own sons. Likewise, God is looking out for us and has glorious plans in store for us.

“For I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” - Jeremiah 29:11

It’s easy to get down on yourself, but I try to remember how much God loves me and it boosts my own self-confidence. Sometimes I forget just how much God truly loves me. And by forgetting that incredibly crucial fact, I allow myself to point ot my many flaws and imperfections. I look at how I don’t measure up and how so many of my peers are doing better at X and Y (even though I know I shouldn’t be comparing). I sometimes struggle to see why He loves me this much when He’s God, the creator of this amazing and incredibly intricate universe.

Verses that help remind me of His love for me…

Galatians 2:20 - “So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Ephesians 2:10a - “For we are God’s masterpiece…”

Psalm 139:13-18 - “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to [a] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.”

Matthew 10:29-30 - “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[a]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”

Luke 12:7 - “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Genesis 1:27 - “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them.”

So why do I ever feel inferior and question God’s love for me? Stupidity and human nature, I guess.