Teens in Chronic Pain

I was sitting in church listening to that week’s “Slice of Life” speaker, Sarah, as she was talking about the pain of overcoming a serious motorbike accident that resulted in a major leg surgery. She couldn’t do most things she used to be able to do and nine months later is finally starting to return to some activity.

One of the sentences she said in her brief talk stuck out to me. She said:

I have learned to walk not by my own strength, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

That’s so simple, yet such a powerful statement at the same time. For the first few surgeries, I certainly tried to walk by my own strength and will. However, I finally learned that I could not do it myself. I needed Him to prop me up when the pain got bad and even when things started clicking during physical therapy. It can still be a daily struggle to rely fully on the strength of the Lord Almighty, but I try. Because if God is for me, than who could possibly be against me? It’s a great feeling to be confident and reliant on God’s strength and love.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the great book “Disappointment with God” by Philip Yancey. I love his book, Where is God when it hurts?, which addresses the issues of physical pain and suffering. This book, “Disappointment with God,” looks at the emotional pain of disappointment, which can certainly be a commonly felt emotion as a teenager with chronic pain.

A single, elegant sentence from Isaiah summarizes God’s point of view: “In all their distress he too was distressed.” God may have hidden his face, but that face was streaked with tears. - p. 96

As we saw with Jesus’ time on this earth, his heart was filled with compassion when he saw those ill and hurting. We see him take the time to heal many even when he was grieving over a friend’s death.

If I wonder how God views deformed or disabled people, I can watch Jesus among the crippled, the blind, and those with leprosy. If I wonder about the poor, and whether God has destined them to lives of misery, I can read Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount. And if I ever wonder about the appropriate “spiritual” response to pain and suffering, I can note how Jesus responded to his own: with fear and trembling, with loud cries and tears. - p. 137-138

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.” - p. 173

By no means can we infer that our own trials are, like Job’s, specially arranged by God to settle some decisive issue in the universe. But we can safely assume that our limited range of vision will in similar fashion distort reality. Pain narrows vision. The most private of sensations, it forces us to think of ourselves and little else.

From Job, we can learn that much more is going on out there than we may suspect. Job felt the weight of God’s absence; but a look behind the curtain reveals that in one sense God had never been more present. - p. 264

Today I learned that my insurance company, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, denied my request for a medial meniscus transplant for the third time. The first two attempts were done via letter and the most recent attempt was a half hour in-person conference on February 14th. They apparently sent a letter the first weekend of spring break notifying me that they decided to deny my request once again. My mom and dad decided not to tell me until today when I stopped by my parent’s house on my way back to Ann Arbor from working in Detroit.

My parents gave me the three paged letter saying that I was denied again and that I had two more options: appeal to an external insurance board or a civil lawsuit. We don’t know which step we will be taking next as we want to make sure that if we appeal to the board, that won’t eliminate the option to file a civil lawsuit if I’m denied once again.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this blessed and disappointed at the same time before. This morning, I had an absolutely amazing day at work and got to do some things no other Red Wings interns had gotten to do yet this year and I was in such a fantastic mood. I have been blessed with the gift of an internship that I absolutely love. But I’ve also been blessed with amazing family. My parents told me that they would do whatever it takes to get this surgery whether it’s appealing to the external board review, filing a civil lawsuit, or paying for the surgery themselves if all that falls through and my dad said he’d even be willing to sell his beloved ‘63 Corvette to help pay for my surgery (now that’s love!).

If my family ends up having to pay for it, money will be incredibly tight and we will all have to make some sacrifices. But I’m 21 years old with arthritis. I can’t stand or walk without pain. And biking, swimming, and using the elliptical are completely out of the question. If the other avenues fall through, I would have to wait 20+ years before I would be old enough for a knee replacement. And that’s why my parents are willing to make huge financial sacrifices to pay for that surgery. Hopefully, it will not get to that point because I don’t want to be a strain on my family and their budget.

Between the support of my family and all of my friends (including the many of you have sent words of support over the last month), I feel so incredibly blessed. At the same time, I feel so disappointed. It has been a very emotionally draining experience and it has now been almost four years since I first knew I needed this operation. I want so badly to be able to walk and stand with little to no pain that it is disappointing when you see insurance deny you this request three times. But I know that God has a wonderful plan for me so I will choose to focus on the blessings in my life rather than the disappointments.

“I will praise You in this storm…”
- Casting Crowns