Teens in Chronic Pain

This past weekend, I was able to go on New Life Church’s CORE leadership retreat. It was a great 24 hours praising God, listening to some great talks, and talking/playing games with these wonderful people. I was also able to get away for almost an hour and a half and just collect my thoughts and go over some of the things that the pastors had said. Here is what I wrote during that hour and a half (and they all relate to my chronic knee pain in terms of self-confidence and trusting God through this hardship), which is why they are being posted here)…

“So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
- Galatians 2:20

Sometimes I forget how much God truly loves me. And by forgetting that incredibly crucial fact, I allow myself to point to my flaws and imperfections. I look at how I don’t measure up and how so many of my peers are doing better at X and Y (even though I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others). I sometimes struggle to see why He loves me this much when He is God, the creator of this amazingly and incredibly intricate universe.

“For we are God’s masterpiece.
- Ephesians 2:10a

I, Christy Hammond, am God’s masterpiece. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves me so much that He sent his son to die for me! Despite the many things wrong with me, I am beautifully broken. Despite this, God still loves me. Me.

If Jesus was willing to die for me, I must be pretty special. If I’m pretty special, I need to recognize and honor that with my thoughts and actions. And if He’s done all this for me, why can’t I trust Him in this area of my life? He has done so much for me. He has blessed me in a variety of ways and has given me so much. He made this world. He made me. He makes sure the sparrows are fed so why am I struggling to put my complete trust in God about my knee insurance issue?

God, I want to trust you. I know you have a beautiful and wonderful plan for my life. Please allow me to trust in your plan even if it’s not the outcome I am hoping for.

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
- Isaiah 40:31

By placing my trust and hope in God, He will support me and give me strength to get through this hard time.

“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.”
- Isaiah 30:20

God, what are you trying to teach me through this hardship?

“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again - my Savior and my God! I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.”
- Psalm 42:5, 7-8

Even though the pain may seem to overwhelm my body and heart, God’s unfailing love encases me, encouraging me to pass this test.

“I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief…I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh…I am on the verge of collapse facing constant pain…Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.”
- Psalm 38:6, 8-9, 17, 22

You know the desires of my heart. You know that I long for a surgery to make this constant pain more bearable. Please let this arbiter approve the surgery if it’s your will. If not, please give me the insight and understanding as to why it’s not the correct path for me.

“Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding…Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take…Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.”
- Proverbs 2:3, 3:5-6, 8

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”
- Hebrews 11:1

I was reading a chapter/meditation from the book Peace in the Storm by Maureen Pratt about the sting of unkind remarks. In this chapter, she described how she asked an employee at a service shop to carry a computer to her car. He asked where she was parked and she told him where her car was (in a handicap spot behind the store). The employee immediately told her she couldn’t park there despite the fact she had a handicap placard. He glared at her while saying she wasn’t disabled. She wanted to get mad, but knew that’s not how God would want her to react. She managed to calmly explain to his supervisor that she had Lupus, which like a serious heart condition or asthma, her disability was internal.

I have had numerous similar situations and can’t say I acted as calmly and appropriately as Maureen. I remember one time I had just parked my SUV in a handicap spot and started walking towards my college dorm. A gentleman in his 40s came up to me accusing me that I shouldn’t have parked there because I’m not disabled and I don’t have a placard. In a frustrated tone, I told him that I did, in fact, have a placard and pointed to my car. I then pulled up my sweatpant leg and pointed to the scars on my knee. I retorted that I had had 9 knee surgeries and had been in chronic pain since 2003. Not surprisingly, the man didn’t apologize and just walked away. I was angry for the rest of the day. In fact, I was actually shaking right after that because I couldn’t believe someone had the nerve to say something like that when my pain was such a constant and hard experience in my life.

Had I responded in a better way like Maureen did, I’d bet that the gentleman would have apologized and probably would have gone away having learned something. I also bet he probably wouldn’t ask anyone else about why they parked in a handicap spot. Instead, he walked away angry. I had a chance to act Christlike and completely blew it. I was angry and short with him instead of remaining calm.

When you’re in a lot of pain and especially having a bad pain day (like I was that day), it’s easy to get emotional and allow the anger to overtake you. I just need to remind myself not to respond to his unkind and harsh words with similar anger, but to be Christlike in my response and try to control my anger in these kinds of situations.

“A mild answer calms wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” - Proverbs 15:1

I hope that if another similar situation in the future arises, I will act more like Maureen and ultimately more like Christ.