Teens in Chronic Pain

When the pain gets this bad, I feel like I’m trapped.

Physically, I’m confined to my couch or bed where I spend as much time as I can until my flare up starts to calm back down. Every movement is calculated and methodical in an effort to reduce the pain. I miss class. I have to take a sick day at work. My frozen peas become my best friend.

Mentally, the pain prevents me from really focusing on homework or tasks at work. My thoughts start to blur and I feel trapped in my current state of mind. I want to be productive and accomplish my set of tasks for the day. Yet, my body won’t let me. The throbbing pain takes over my mind and I feel reduced to a shell of the person I normally am.

Emotionally, I don’t want my friends to see me really hurting so I hide and I feel trapped in my need to isolate myself. I know I can express how I truly feel with my friends, but it can be hard to let them see that side of you. When the pain reaches such a high intensity, you feel vulnerable and very fragile. Your emotions are teetering on the edge and one little blast of wind will cause your emotional wall to come collapsing down. And when it does, you feel like an emotional mess. The hot salty tears come pouring down your face as you gasp for oxygen. You tightly hold on to your pillow for some source of comfort. It’s not a position you want your friends to see you in. It’s painful for you and you think of how awkward it must be for them. So you hide it. You cry when they’re not around. They will hear you complain about the pain, but they won’t see you cry out. And thus, you feel trapped.

Personally, it’s really hard when my pain flares up because I feel trapped in so many ways. Perhaps that is part of the reason why it takes so long for my pain to reach normal levels.

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